a_painted_life (a_painted_life) wrote,

holy fucking shit.. your shitting. me

maybe there is a god... i think i got my chance to talk... i swear if i get another chance.... if i can stay within close range... i wont fuck it up... things wont be so serious... just help me.... i dont know who im talking to.. maybe im sort of talking to myself...
but i need to stay on track eeven if im not happy.. even if ... i feel like dieing.. even if she ends up with another guy... or is already with another guy and hasnt told me but clued... even so... dont fuck it up... because her voice is better than her answering machine.. and with as lonely as you are. with everything that has happened.. is happening will happen and might happen...all of it... youll need her... even a little tiny bit of her... just... lay off her anger wise.. and lay off calling and annoying wise... just... calm down... if this isnt it.. if this doesnt mean you dont have to be alone for months.. and pretend like you dont care.. when your actually on the verge of suicide from loniliness and depression.. if this doesnt mean you have to be alone through that... then embrace.. embrce with every peice of heart you have left.. i know your scareed and hurt and fucked and... just destroyed by what the worlds taken away time and ttime again.. i know it doesnt let up.. but.. embrace her.. because its the biggest gift you could get... remember the ring you bought her.. remember how it felt when she loved you.. rememberhow you felt invinsable.. how love made you feel like you could lose both legs and even though youd suffer... and lose so much... itd be ok because shed be there.. well she'll be there... how ever much that is.. and... if you work at it again.. maybe you can make her happy which therefore makes you happy... love is everything to you.. her love is everything to you... she is.. everything... truth is nothing could touch you if you were buried in her arms.. and this time.. no friends.. no parents.. no forklift will fuck it up.. just.. stay the course... please... and if tonight.. doesnt go like it should.. i know itll crush you.. i know youll cry and break down.. and have to take meds to sleep. and want to take meds for weeks so you can sleep away the weeks until everything is just ok one day when you wake up...

but i love her.. more than anything.. more than everything... no.. because she is everything... dear god.. just... let me have this.. its the one thing i ask for.. the one thing i need the one small thing thatd make every big thing thats been taken away or fucked up... it will make all that ok... make all that go away.. one small thing.. please let me haveher... keep her... ive been through hell... give me my heaven.... give me my heaven.. my earth... the color in flowers and the rays that make the sunrise and sunset.. give me life... give me my love.. because everything else comes with her... please... give me chantal... one more time.. and ill make it the last... please...
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